Commitmentphobes and Apple Trees – 52 First Dates

© Bernardo Baldiviezo 2011

So, here’s the thing. Finding, putting your faith in, and having a date every seven days is proving a challenge. Whilst the first four weeks seemed to drift past with blissful ease, it seems that recent weeks have proved a bit of a problem. Not that those first four weeks were easy; I met some nice guys and emotions did run a little high. But, finding those dates proved very simple, and with the power of online sites and iPhone apps, beautiful guys seemed to be popping up everywhere. However, everything seems to have gone quiet, and the metaphorical dating snowball seems to have got stuck mid slope.

Today was going to be third time lucky with date #5. Unlike @C_T_S’s Catfish dating horror, I knew that #5 was legitimate, he was just busy. However, after being cancelled on again I’m afraid my conversation was less than subtle in the fact that I wasn’t bothered anymore and to stop texting me. I don’t actually doubt that work was indeed mad, and that he had been ill, but if it’s taking more than three attempts to meet up for date one, then it’s simply not going to work out in the long run. If you commit to a date you commit, end of. Then, with date #6 proving to just want to fuck, and having discovered on Saturday that he’d also been messaging a good friend to try and hook up, communication with Mr Middle Eastern has also been cut short.

I’m not sure whether it’s the weather, or perhaps that the entire gay community has become aware of a mad loon going on a date every week and writing about it, but things seemed to have dried up rather. I don’t want to go on a date with just anyone because, lets be honest, if there’s no banter or attraction in the first place, then its simply a waste of everyone’s time. Add to the mix one time fuck lovers and date commitmentphobes, and the future is looking bleak. With plans both Friday and Saturday this week, I only have tonight, Wednesday and Thursday to enjoy an evening with new conversation and unseen smiles, and so, I’m feeling rather ill prepared and pressurised to find Mr Next.

However, having also joined gayromeo in a bid to find a husband, I came across this quote in someone’s profile. I’m not sure where it’s from but I think it describes rather aptly how I feel about the dating world and, in times when I’m feeling a little neglected, its nice to think that at least I’m not scrabbling around in the undergrowth picking up rotters.

Boys are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree.

Other boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling & getting hurt.

Instead, they get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as nice but easy.

So the apples up top think there is something wrong with them when in reality they’re amazing! They just have to wait for the right boy to come along the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

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6 responses to “Commitmentphobes and Apple Trees – 52 First Dates

  1. … While I’m usually the 1st to whole heartedly agree that the initial attraction & spark NEED to be there (shallow little minx I am), I have seen recent evidence of that not necessarily being the case.. And in no way ‘settling’,tis actually super awesome!! Perhaps as a 52 dates experiment should involve veering *slightly* out of comfort zone??? I’m not recommending an obese-hairy-albino- out of yr usual taste (!!) but you never know…….. As I like to say (often) what’s the worst that could happen? 🙂 🙂 x x x

    • Oh, I totally agree! I need to veer slightly….I have veered signficantly in the past and it’s been a complete hash-up. I don’t need ‘big bada boom’ from the off….I just need some feeling that it could lead somewhere 🙂 xxx

  2. Good sir,

    I’ve been following your experiment via twitter (c_corax77) and am very interested in what you’re finding. Turns out, I think, what you are going through is universal. There is a dearth of dating skills among the gay community, as well as conversation skills that stretch beyond bedroom skills and desires. Though it may seem like you’ve reached the end of a rope, keep in mind autumn is approaching. I fondly call this the “nesting season.” Gay men come off the beaches and home from all-night club binges and realize they might want someone to spend the holidays with. Granted, these are not necessarily the men you are seeking, but there could be a potential match in the mix. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself!

    Good luck with this experiment, and as the previous commenter said, maybe stretching your definition of what you are attracted to might help. Just don’t sacrifice your standards either. It’s just a tricky balance.

    • Hey, thanks for your comment! You’re right of course….lots of boys at beaches and on holiday. Tis a busy season! I am going to try and not be as rigid…but just keep major requirements so, as you say, not to sacrifice my standards!

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