Curse of the Cutie

There are several things that you do not want to hear as a gay man. ‘If my wife could see me now…” is one that took me by complete and shocked surprise. I didn’t see him again that’s for sure. ‘I’ve had practice since I saw you three days ago‘ as a guy goes down on you is also something you do not want to hear, and is certainly a romance killer. From a guy you kinda like, the last thing you want to hear about mid on-the-job is that they’ve been a man whore the past few days….even if you’re not one to judge, it certainly kills the moment. But above all, worse than all manner of mid-sex revelations, please, PLEASE do not call me cute.

© Geoff Wakeling

This is a chick. It's cute. I am a man. I am NOT 'cute'.

This simple word, these four letters, C-U-T-E, are possibly every gay mans, scrap that, every man’s nightmare. I do not want to be compared to a puppy, or a kitten, or a cushion cover that my mate has just spotted in Liberty’s. I do not want to be called a word which basically infers that I’m not quite up to scratch but, in this instance, I’ll do. I’m a man. I want to be hot. To be sexy. Damn, I’d rather be said that I look filthy than to be called cute.

There is a certain chronological timeline that should be followed before the word cute can ever be applied to any situation. In no circustances ever use it as a one-off chat up line. And if you’re going to use it, please, PLEASE follow it up with a compliment. ‘Thats a cute pic and man, look at your guns‘, ‘Your smile is so cute here, but your arse is sexier‘, ‘You’re so cute and turn me the fuck on‘ are all acceptable – just – but to be honest, for a first conversation or first date, just avoid the word completely. I’ll be cute on the fourth date when I’ve got bed hair and luggage under my eyes because you’ve had me in a bear hug all night and I couldn’t sleep. I’ll be cute on date seven when we go to the zoo and I get excited because there’s a walk-through butterfly house. I just don’t want to feel unsexy before we’ve even finished date one.

Cute to me is a word which implies that you don’t think I’m hot. You can use it when you know me better and there’s some emotional undercurrent to the sexual tension. But please, if you don’t want me feeling a little disheartened at your advances, avoid the C word like the plague.


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