I’m fast discovering that I’m an all or nothing guy. I suppose it’s because I’m fresh to the dating scene at 29, like a lamb to slaughter. With the dating age of a teenager I fall madly in love, plunge into a pit of despair if I don’t hear from my beau in 12 hrs, decide that they’re obviously and totally not into me, and want to throw my wretched heart out the window. Even if all conversation’s are to the contrary. Even if there’s flirting, and sexting, and connotations of more dates ahead. I analyse EVERYTHING. Every Grindr word. Every Gaydar sentence. Every ManHunt smile. I can’t help it, that’s the problem with freelancing I suppose….there is A LOT of time to think.
In some ways, discovering this about myself is a bonus. It’s almost as if I need a day of complete obsession to clear my head. For those 24hrs I’ll be completely consumed by my heart and head’s thoughts. I’ll want to cry. I’ll have a pit in my stomach. I’l hit the illumination button on my iPhone even though I know a message hasn’t come through. But once those 24-36hrs of passed, I’m kinda over it.
I seriously need to take a dating chill pill, but that’s easier to say than do. Of course, I thought I was a dating pro when I was going with the flow and just seeing what happened. It seems however that up until this point I just hadn’t actually been into a guy. Hadn’t had that flutter. Hadn’t had my heart leap into my throat when I saw them down the street. And of course….I’m writing this blog as if my life is over and my only love has probably been lost….it isn’t 24 hrs yet, he’ll probably txt me in a couple of days 😐