I don’t know what tips the balance. Something in my brain. Something physically. Something other-worldly. I reach a point of social saturation where my brain goes into meltdown and I have to get away from people as fast as possible or risk falling even deeper into the well. I wouldn’t say that’s depression, for I don’t want to jump from a bridge, take some pills or bleed my wrists, but I do need almost instant solitude. It’s like fight or flight, I have to remove myself from the situation which is simply an over-powering from people. And it isn’t group size either, in its extremity it can occur with only one other person present.
My half marathon went very well. 1:49:35 and I was done. 13.1 miles on a hot day, inclines a bundle and a wanting to stop after only 3miles in. I was aiming for under 2 hours, which I achieved and I even and dramatically, to rapturous applaude, managed to sprint the final 200m. There’s something about ending a long run on a athletics track that brings out the inner olympian. You feel drained. Shattered. Legs which feel simultaneoulsy like jelly and stone. Heart bursting. But somewhere, there’s a residual strength which see’s the red asphault, the white lines and suddenly utter madness brings instant resign to run, as fast as possible.
Im very glad I did, for otherwise I would have had a repeat of the London marathon where a few mere seconds over a definiative minute would have caused slight woe. As it was I was entirely happy with my performance and focussed on finding the next run to aim for even a smarter time. And, I have to say, the medal is FAR better than the FLORA highlighting london marathon.
Tonight I’m hiding. After yesterday’s exhaustion, family socialising and an afternoon with my sister I’m feeling satuarised. Normally, a quiet evening, biscuits and port with the folks in front of the tv would have been fine, but relatives have descended of the most frustrating kind. Debating the colour of milk, you can’t even have a normal conversation and I haven’t the energy to fight my corner or win my opionion. Its hermiting for me tonight. And I love it.